Despicable

In my attempt to steer this parentless ship for a little while longer, i made my way to the butchers to purchase some tasty pork mince for an amazing stir fry dinner.
However, my endeavours were cut short by an eggroll of a salesperson who, in her asian manner, could not understand when i asked for pork mince.
Fast forward 4 hours, we sit down for a tasty meal and begin to indulge when we discover the 'pork' has shit strewed within its midst.
We still dont know what meat it was we ate, however, sick we are not, happy we are not and pissed off we are.
I should have realised something was suspect when she didnt understand me asking for 500g and gave me 4 kg, as well as the net $2.50 expenditure.
arrrrr

Anywho, in happier times, i was Ace Ventura and Samson was Abraham Lincoln.