Lita Weller

I'm not usually the type of guy who enjoys a nice hearty book, however, recently i have acquired a little number titled 'Motley Crue; The Dirt' and it has lured me day after day into it's midst.



I love metal and have continued to do so since I was 15, my admiration for dudes in metal bands has become ever so heightened after reading this. I highly recommend finding and reading it. In the meantime I have paraphrased a page or two which i find hilarious; (Nikki Sixx is retelling his time with Ozzy whilst on tour together)

"Ozzy hardly spent a night on his tour bus; he was always on our's. He'd burst through the door with a baggie full of coke, singing, " I am the krelly man, doing all the krell that I can, I can." We'd snort up all night long until the bus stopped in the next city. In one case, we rolled out of the bus under the heat of the noonday sun and went straight to the bar. Ozzy pulled off his pants and stuck a dollar bill in his ass crack, then walked into the bar, offering the dollar to each couple inside. When an elderly lady began to cuss him out, Ozzy grabbed her bag and took off running, coming back wearing nothing but a little day dress he found in the bag. We were hanging out in T-shirts and leather, Ozzy in the dress, when all of a sudden Ozzy nudged me. "Hey mate, fancy a bump?" Dude i told him, were out of blow. Maybe i can send the bus driver out for some. "Give me the straw" he said unphased, but dude there's no blow. "Give me the straw. I'm having a bump." I handed him the straw and he walked straight over to a crack in the sidewalk and bent over it. I saw a long column of ants marching to a little sand dugout built where the pavement met the dirt. And as i thought, "No, he wouldn't," he did. He put the straw to his nose and with his bare white ass peeking out from under the dress like a sliced honeydew, sent the entire line of ants tickling up his nose. He stood up, reared his head back, and concluded with a powerful right nostriled sniff that probably sent a stray ant or two down his throat. Then he hiked up his sundress, grabbed his dick, and pissed on the pavement. Without even looking at his growing audience, he knelt down, and getting the dress soggy in the puddle, lapped it up. Then he stood up and, eyes blazing and mouth wet with urine, looked straight at me. "Do that Sixx"..."

The whole book is filled with shit like this, damn to be in a metal band would be insanely wild.